Saturday, 9 November 2013

Marriage: Entity in deep trouble

By Saumu Jumanne,The citizen

Posted  Sunday, November 3  2013 at  11:21
In Summary
The man who lifts up his hands to physically abuse you….nothing forces you to be together with a spouse who makes live a hell for you.

Call it wedlock, matrimony, marriage or whatever sweet name you can think of. Made in heaven to some and to others made in hell, marriage is a reality of life that normal human being crave for.
It is an essential societal tool that sanctifies procreation- and maybe forces the males to take care of the children. Yes, many men when not affiliated with a woman in marriage, when she conceives, they run away.
At the beginning of majority marital unions, the couple will talk of a heavenly bliss. But how things change with time! Happiness becomes regret and living a hell on earth.
Note that, I am talking about marriage where mutual respect for the rights of each partner reigns supreme. Of late, we have read a lot of sad stories about domestic abuse among married couples or those in the “come we stay” relations. In most cases, the abused ones are women. Some might say this is a traditional vice that is hard to do away with, but the reality is that no woman deserves to be abused by her partner. All differences can be resolved or the couple can agree to disagree without resorting to violence.
We have very sad stories of some women beaten to death. When this happens, the society full of tears condemns the act.
But then, in the walls of houses, our womenfolk are abused silently and for the sake of family unity they remain silent. Some are left handicapped, many others suffer psychologically. Their lives become undefined, in what the Swahili call “hawana mbele wala nyuma.”
That is, they cannot move forward or backward and have to cope with the cruelty of the men in their lives. No wonder late American president Abraham Lincoln once said that “a marriage is neither heaven nor hell, it is simply purgatory.”
Famed scholar Francois Rabelais used to define time as a crucial determinant factor of the outcome. In marital issues this is very true. He used to say “time ripens all things.” In other words, it is with time that all things are revealed, and hence time can be considered as “the father of truth”.
Your dream man- happily together and loving for urns out to be a killer. Were there some signs? It starts with the man playing John Cenas (wrestling) on a hapless woman. There are those who threaten ‘nitakuua” or ‘nitakumaliza’ that is, “I will kill you.” Don’t wait for the next threat, because you could be in your grave within no time. Such threats one day change into actions and regrets.
The man who lifts up his hands to physically abuse you….nothing forces you to be together with a spouse who makes live a hell for you.
Note that I am not saying that there are no men out there who suffer domestic abuses, but women are the majority victims. In Kenya for instance, there have been wide reports of women turning against men after years of being abused. The women wait for their men to get dead drunk, and they whip them really bad. At home, reports of a man beating a woman are unheard, though it could be a pointer that some men suffer in silence.
With time normally a couple is supposed to become happier and more content because the seeds of regret spring out of many bad omens. It is unfortunate that breakups are nowadays commonplace. Are people jumping into marriage without knowing each other well?

Read More: The citizen